I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
