i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
worst night to have a conscience
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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