someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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