last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
