I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize