Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize