party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
two words...techno handjob
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
