i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
