i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
