Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize