alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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