i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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