its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
