Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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