It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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