My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
