literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
