Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
