Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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