Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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