Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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