so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
