dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
