hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My pussy is not your playground.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
