Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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