Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
