**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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