I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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