How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
