On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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