My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
