I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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