I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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