Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize