$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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