I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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