I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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