you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
