I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
