I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
