I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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