i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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