Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
