worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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