Plan B is the new Plan A
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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