I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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