The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
