It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
