Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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