Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
