So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
