he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
