I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
