She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
