dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
