if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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