It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He has the fingertips of a God
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