yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
