So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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