I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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