I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize