Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
