Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
