there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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