and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize